Culture Shock Anyone?

Culture Shock Anyone?

I have been conversing with people!  I am actually able to hear them speaking enough so that I can answer their questions with real words that go together!  Now don’t get me wrong I only get the words and the just of it but this is better than 7 days ago.  It is funny because some still don’t understand me at all, but they want to.  They are not used to broken Portuguese here however we are moving in the right direction.  I have had some major breakthroughs and a lot of new understanding.

The word “culture shock” seemed like a fun word to use loosely when I was in America to describe a feeling of being surprised by something which was unfamiliar to me.  But unless you have ever been dropped in to the middle of a totally foreign place and left to survive you could never understand the true meaning.  I have taken that word for granted because the true meaning of the word is so vast that it is really incomprehensible.  It is like the word “integrity” a word that you have in your vocabulary, everybody uses it, everyone wants to have it ,but if you ask someone to tell you the definition most people do not even know it or you would get a different definition  every time.    These words are something that you have to feel yourself to know their true meaning. 

I have been totally consumed by another culture so much that I am starting to forget the old me.  I have tried to hold onto each thread of my being but that person does not belong here and I think that is ok.  I cannot assert myself, I cannot control anything and I cannot tell anyone what to do.   I have been in Survival mode for so long that I try to kick up dust just so that I can see more clearly.  People just don’t live like that here.   I couldn’t even place a bet on my future at this point.  I do not know what I want or even what is possible here.  I think I like it though but I can’t even be sure of that right now.  

The hard part about “culture shock” is that I have felt alone, unwelcomed at times and desperate.   Everything has gotten lost in translation and I have found that it is completely out of my control.  Maybe I even tried to blame it on others, but now I realize that this is me just trying to hold onto something familiar.  Then I look around and I realize that the only thing that is familiar is an image of what I have known in the past.  Maybe my 4 year old son said it best “Mom, it is different here every day”. 

The good part about my "Culture Shock" is that I have landed in the middle of a beautiful loving large family.  I live in a very safe, clean, beautiful place in the middle of a somewhat confusing world.  I have more cousins that I can count and there are kids everywhere.  The food is amazing and people never want to go home.  What I have learned about a large family is…. There is just more love. 
I guess If this is all I have to go on, I think I will be just fine.