Since I have started this blog and have been writing every day, I have been observing how I work. What I am trying to say it that I do things for a while, then stop and then get the urge to pick it up again. What I noticed is that what I used to call “I’m the type of person who likes to start things and not finish them” was not actually true. I used to get discouraged and think “how could I have been so into that yesterday and today I am completely uninterested”. Well what I can see now is not that I won’t finish things it’s just that I do a little here and a little there until it gets done. I am learning to trust myself and my ideas and only to push them when I have the urge. When I don’t have the urge, I know now that it is ok to put my energy into the other things that feel good at that moment. This also has allowed me to let go of the anxiety that I am not getting anything done or getting it done fast enough. Now when I feel this anxiety, I actually stopped to think about how crazy it is to live with these thoughts.
I started this Blog because a couple of weeks before the big move I was thinking about the unknown. How did I get to the point where I would pack up and move to a foreign country? I started writing one night and was pleasantly surprised how my words were coming across on paper. As I was trying to collect a few new activities to take with me to Brasil anyway I ran the idea across a few of my friends just before I left. One of my friends upped the stakes. He bet me $1000 to do the blog every day. I’ve always been up for a challenge especially where money was concerned, but money or no money; this blog has been one of the best activities of my life. Just having this outlet alone is worth all of the money in the world especially the first 2 months in Brazil. Not to mention this gift of seeing myself and the interesting cycles of my life. I had never taken the time to smell the roses I guess.
