Jill In Brazil: A Head Trip…Literally!

Jill In Brazil: A Head Trip…Literally!: "In response to a post by Brazilian Vacation, I started to think about some of the little changes that have happened to me since being in Bra..."

A Head Trip…Seriously!

In response to a post by Brazilian Vacation, I started to think about some of the little changes that have happened to me since being in Brasil.  This post is a complicated post to a very simple thought…so beware. 
I knew I needed a change from my daily life and grind that I had gotten myself into America and the only thing I knew about Brasil was that I was probably going to get a huge head change and one that I had little control over.   This has been true as you can see in my posts… the ups and downs are apparent.  I have never felt desperate to leave Brasil, but I have felt desperate to hold on sometimes.  
I am starting to accept that at some point I must let go.  I must start to untangle the thread of my connection to who I was in America in order to make the changes that I must make to thrive in Brasil.   Not the connection to being an American. This may be the greatest experience of all for me in Brasil… it is here that I have learned what it means to be an American Patriot.   It is being an American that has obviously made me who I am and has given me the ability to be successful and to believe in myself here in Brasil. 
What are the threads that need to be separated then?  It is the mess of my beliefs of the past and my cause and effect thoughts.  For instance, since we all call upon our pasts to find the answers to the future, I have found myself in a future that I could never have seen and a ton of past experiences that cannot exist in this future.  Why?  Well, in a new & different culture you can’t call upon the past because what I knew to be true in America life would be considered very naïve or complicated here in Brasil.   

Let me give you a couple of examples.  I usually feel great anxiety about being late, here late is normal and everyone understands that life happens.  I find myself from time to time driving fast, freaking out and living in a state of anxiety.  This is a horrible feeling.  I feel anger, disappointment & physically I feel a state of panic.  This was a normal feeling for me in America, I felt it a couple of times a day.  I depended on this feeling to get things done, I would say to myself. 

Now I am able to see when I am feeling this and notice what I am doing.  When experience this now, I tell myself that the best thing I could do in this situation has already been done… I am in the car.  If I am late now, I understand that this was the best that I could do and it was my conscious decision to leave when I did.  I wonder if I am not trying to be mad at someone else… as if my other self is the bad guy. 

Here is another example… Vacation & Sundays in Brasil.  In Brasil the first day of the week is Sunday.  In America the first day of the week is Monday, and then we have the weekend.  On calendars, yes Sunday starts the week but in my American mind, Sunday was just a day to get ready for Monday.  My Sunday had the words; have to, should, prepare, finish, start & need to in a normal Sunday.  I am not sure if it just because I owned my own business but in Brasil… Sunday is Sunday… All day and you do not use those words.  We rest and it is a day that you get to do whatever you please.  Rodrigo has always been like this and it drove me crazy.  I was mad if he didn’t do what I planned for us on Sunday.  Today finally I understand that Sunday is for relaxing and having fun only.  Monday is Monday but Sunday is my day.