Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought: "So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right? I want to live in the present, right? So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to..."

Harder than I thought

So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right?  I want to live in the present, right?  So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to help me.  “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and not 40 minutes into it I learn something that I want to share.  This happens to be about the Ego. 

You can be addicted to thinking.  What I am hearing is that thinking can be as bad of an addiction as smoking, sex or gambling.  I myself replay old tapes in my head and identify with the past, but am I addicted to thinking?  Constant thinking is the Ego.   So, my need to make lists, calculate, play Sudoku and plan things that I will soon plan again the next day is my ego at work?  I thought I was just keeping busy and passing time, however I do rush to think.  I love to find time to think.  Confusing, huh?    

In the Ego Self, the “Present” does not exist.  (This is my desire, to live in the present, right?)  Only the past and future are considered important to the Ego Self.  It is dysfunctional because I am trying to keep the past alive and without the past, It begs the question “Who am I”.   Then when I project my ego into the future I ensure its continued survival.  It is the thought that One day in the future when this happens or that happens I will be ok, I will be happy or I will be at peace.  I have always lived like this… the one day scenario.

Now with this information I have to think, and this is probably another book but what is that one day or one feeling that I am looking for?  What is it going to solve for me, what is it going to relieve me of? 

The other day, My mom and I were talking about being in the present with my kids and how I was trying to work on this, she said that when I get frustrated I should think of something that makes me happy… and do you know what I saw?  I saw money being exchanged going back and forth as If the hands were doing business.  This is what I saw, thought it was kind of fucked up so I tried again and again this was what I saw.  Almost 100% sure that this is not what Eckhart Tolle had in mind; I will just have to keep reading I guess.   

Then the last thing was that when the ego (which doesn’t exist in the present) actually presents itself in the present, it misperceives itself because it is seeing itself through the eyes of the past.    Oh, $#@!  Maybe I just answered my question. 

Living in the present holds the key as the present moment is all you ever truly have.  Hmmm.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  J