Today I have to look back

Well tomorrow is the day that I have said I have been waiting for my whole life.  What day is that you may ask?   It’s my 35 year old birthday.  I have heard that woman usually have a breakdown at 25 or 30 in their lifes.  I had mine at 25…. Oh how I remember it.  It lasted a year and I even cried on my birthday with all of my friends in my van, remember?  Bill, Tracy?.  I couldn’t help it.  My mom was driving us around from bar to bar and I was in the back crying.  I remember thinking I had accomplished nothing.  I had just moved from Alaska back to Colorado and I was trying to create a job for myself in financial services and insurance.  I had no money and barely a job, I had moved back with my parents (for a short time).  When I did apply for a job they would take one look at my resume and tell me that I should go back to being a Veterinarian Technician, however I had already known that this career was over for me.  One day I just got soft and I couldn’t work with animals anymore.  I couldn’t put them to sleep; I couldn’t bear to see them in pain; and I wanted to make more money.  I say that my motherly instincts had finally caught up to me.  That time of my life was over.  I wanted to be something different.   But what?

Speaking of different do you want to know how many different jobs I have had in my life?  Here I go…  Waitress, volunteer at a forensic psych ward for kids, volunteer at an animal shelter, student, flooring installer helper, bartender, financial services & insurance sales, Vet Technician (I worked Emergency, as a Surgical Assistant for a Board Certified Vet, & I have worked at a Vet practice for routine care), Sold books, sold flooring, bail bondsman, flooring business owner, real estate agent, Sales manager-flooring, Phone Book Sales (Advertising),  Softball Coach, Umpire, Concession Sales, Drug tested horses, Nursing Assistant at a Human Hospital twice, Worked on a Horse Breeding Ranch (Internship), Mother, Day Care Teacher, Owned a business Housesitting for Animals, Co-Owned a Brazilian food Trailer with my husband and worked at Festivals, An English Teacher & Today I like to also call myself a writer.  I think I gave 100% all of the time, some of the jobs I did to get from one place to another, some of the business I liked but were not what I wanted to do forever.  Today I do know I want to be in business by myself and work for myself but anyway.... 

Back to what I was saying, a common thought I have had since I was 20 was “I just can’t wait to be 35 so that I can look back at my life and see what I have accomplished, just who will I be and how just how did I get there?”  Well Today I have just turned 35, So today I have to look back. 

Is it what I was expecting to see?    Did I accomplish enough?  Well that answer is….. YES!!!  I feel that the hard work of growing up is over!  I know who I am now!  I have 2 kids over 2 years old and my family is complete!  

Granted, I still have no clue of what the future holds, but I do feel more confident now, that when I do know I will get the job done.  I feel that I have the answers within and don’t need to look around for someone to give me a golden opportunity.  I know that I do not know the future because the future that I think I see dosn't exist, but the feeling does.  I realize that my desires are stronger than the doubts that I fill my head with.  I am proud of what I have accomplished and feel that maybe now I can stop trying so hard and possibly just enjoy my life.  Breathe.

Not that I want it to come as fast as I looked forward to 35, but I will say it again today… what can I accomplish by 60.