Jill In Brazil: Ben Is 5 Years Old!!!!!

Jill In Brazil: Ben Is 5 Years Old!!!!!: "Back to reality… beans, rice & work. Feels good to get back to my routine but still tired from having my parents here… I think the..."

Ben Is 5 Years Old!!!!!

Back to reality… beans, rice & work.  Feels good to get back to my routine but still tired from having my parents here… I think they may be in their mid 60’s but they act like they are in their late 20’s.   I just hope I have the same amt. of energy when I am their age.   

So, my son turned 5 yesterday and already has homework from school.  He really is into it as he wants to make his teacher proud.  Pop Pop took him Ice skating  and then we had a pizza party for his birthday…he did great!  Here is a picture of him skating.  So proud of him.  Good Job Benny!

Jill In Brazil: Missing Alaska

Jill In Brazil: Missing Alaska: "Its 5am and I am up. Just got my parents off to the airport and now I realize that I finally have the time to sit, think & write.&..."

Missing Alaska

Its 5am and I am up.  Just got my parents off to the airport and now I realize that I finally have the time to sit, think & write.  When I get my blog done early, I always feel better.  Because I just spent 10 days with my parents, I am thinking about home and what I really miss.   I miss Phoenix because I could be holding my nephew right now and having fun with my sister, then I miss Colorado because of my friends and the great times we used to have.  But right now if I could be anywhere having Coffee, I would be in Anchorage at Snow City Cafe with K10.  I also miss cross country skiing in Alaska down the coastal trail with a thermos of wine.  It has been going on 6 years since I was in Alaska.  I haven’t back.

 Alaska is the home of my heart.  I don’t think I would ever live there again but Alaska was the place where I was the most in tune with my soul.   It was the only place where I belonged for almost a decade after growing up in North Platte.   One of my favorite places to dance, the music was the best.  Every place had a band playing and there were festivals all summer long.  It was the place where I learned about beer, good beer.  Mmmm how I miss a nice Alaskan Porter, Sierra Nevada IPA or a Polar Pale Ale.  In Brasil almost all beer is domestic or are pilsner types.  The Alaska State Fair is the best fair in the world, the Pizza and salads at the Moose’s tooth are to die for, the best halibut chunks, Homer!!!, the heated toilet seats in the middle of winter and the smell of the wood fire stoves at the Brew house, I can smell it now, the cross country skiing, the hiking in the misty mornings, the feeling of being fully present as you are watching for the signs of large animals while hiking.  Then there is the most Amazing site in the world.  When I would go back this was the sight that would bring me to tears every time.  Turnagain Arm.  It's the road from Anchorage to Girdwood and beyond.  It is amazing, the ocean surrounded by mountains.   

Turnagain Arm

This is the coastal Trail in Anchorage.  I would cross country ski, rollerblade and walk this trail all year long.

Turnigan Arm

Alaska is the place where I learned about sisterhood and had the most amazing adventures.   I camped, I played and I lived…. Really… truly… lived.  I could recommend many places you should visit but I will say from my point of view, Alaska is the Best.

Jill In Brazil: The Birthday Weekend

Jill In Brazil: The Birthday Weekend: "I had a great birthday week this year for many reasons; my parents were visiting, we were at the beach, we had great pizza wi..."

The Birthday Weekend

I had a great birthday week this year for many reasons; my parents were visiting, we were at the beach, we had great pizza with lots of cheese, learned to make the best caiparianas, spent 3 days in the sun and had air conditioner in my room.  It was perfect and I will let the pictures speak for themselves this time.

Jill In Brazil: Today I have to look back

Jill In Brazil: Today I have to look back: "Well tomorrow is the day that I have said I have been waiting for my whole life. What day is that you may ask? It’s my 35 ..."

Today I have to look back

Well tomorrow is the day that I have said I have been waiting for my whole life.  What day is that you may ask?   It’s my 35 year old birthday.  I have heard that woman usually have a breakdown at 25 or 30 in their lifes.  I had mine at 25…. Oh how I remember it.  It lasted a year and I even cried on my birthday with all of my friends in my van, remember?  Bill, Tracy?.  I couldn’t help it.  My mom was driving us around from bar to bar and I was in the back crying.  I remember thinking I had accomplished nothing.  I had just moved from Alaska back to Colorado and I was trying to create a job for myself in financial services and insurance.  I had no money and barely a job, I had moved back with my parents (for a short time).  When I did apply for a job they would take one look at my resume and tell me that I should go back to being a Veterinarian Technician, however I had already known that this career was over for me.  One day I just got soft and I couldn’t work with animals anymore.  I couldn’t put them to sleep; I couldn’t bear to see them in pain; and I wanted to make more money.  I say that my motherly instincts had finally caught up to me.  That time of my life was over.  I wanted to be something different.   But what?

Speaking of different do you want to know how many different jobs I have had in my life?  Here I go…  Waitress, volunteer at a forensic psych ward for kids, volunteer at an animal shelter, student, flooring installer helper, bartender, financial services & insurance sales, Vet Technician (I worked Emergency, as a Surgical Assistant for a Board Certified Vet, & I have worked at a Vet practice for routine care), Sold books, sold flooring, bail bondsman, flooring business owner, real estate agent, Sales manager-flooring, Phone Book Sales (Advertising),  Softball Coach, Umpire, Concession Sales, Drug tested horses, Nursing Assistant at a Human Hospital twice, Worked on a Horse Breeding Ranch (Internship), Mother, Day Care Teacher, Owned a business Housesitting for Animals, Co-Owned a Brazilian food Trailer with my husband and worked at Festivals, An English Teacher & Today I like to also call myself a writer.  I think I gave 100% all of the time, some of the jobs I did to get from one place to another, some of the business I liked but were not what I wanted to do forever.  Today I do know I want to be in business by myself and work for myself but anyway.... 

Back to what I was saying, a common thought I have had since I was 20 was “I just can’t wait to be 35 so that I can look back at my life and see what I have accomplished, just who will I be and how just how did I get there?”  Well Today I have just turned 35, So today I have to look back. 

Is it what I was expecting to see?    Did I accomplish enough?  Well that answer is….. YES!!!  I feel that the hard work of growing up is over!  I know who I am now!  I have 2 kids over 2 years old and my family is complete!  

Granted, I still have no clue of what the future holds, but I do feel more confident now, that when I do know I will get the job done.  I feel that I have the answers within and don’t need to look around for someone to give me a golden opportunity.  I know that I do not know the future because the future that I think I see dosn't exist, but the feeling does.  I realize that my desires are stronger than the doubts that I fill my head with.  I am proud of what I have accomplished and feel that maybe now I can stop trying so hard and possibly just enjoy my life.  Breathe.

Not that I want it to come as fast as I looked forward to 35, but I will say it again today… what can I accomplish by 60. 

Jill In Brazil: Food

Jill In Brazil: Food: "We are headed to the beach tomorrow for 3 days. We are all so excited and ready to go. Today my dad and I took Benny to school a..."

Food

We are headed to the beach tomorrow for 3 days.  We are all so excited and ready to go.  Today my dad and I took Benny to school and he rode his bike.  The weather was beautiful and when we got there he was running around playing with the kids and having fun.  It was nice to see how good he gets along there.  When he gets to school he has coffee w/milk and bread and then at 10:30 he eats beans and rice, salad and fresh juice.  At first he didn’t like it but now he loves beans and rice. 

Everyone eats beans and rice every day here.  You can stop and eat Launches – a place where you get sandwiches.  A Padaria- is a bakery where they have sandwiches, breads and pastries.  Or you can go to a place where they have lunch by the kilo.  It is a buffet style where they make all of the traditional Brazilian dishes, which is Beans, rice, salad & protein.  They always have a couple of styles of beef and a lot of salads to choose from.  My mom had a great time eating there and loved it.  Or you can go to a restaurant like where we went last night for espetinios .  These are skewers of meat, cheese or even breads.  The waiters bring them around and you pick what you want to eat and put it on your plate.  There are also pizzerias and churrasco’s.  Churrascos are places like a buffet that have salads and sides but the guys bring around large cuts of meat and shave it at the table if you want it.  I prefer the skewers and 100% the Pizza.  I always stick with Pepperoni if they have it as this mine and Ben’s favorite.  However they usually don’t have pepperoni so we go with a margarita pizza.  Sometime we get calabrasia which is sausage but the whole pizza is usually covered in a pound of sausage and it gets to be too much.  The local favorite here is the Portuguese pizza.  I am not a big fan but it is the most popular for sure.  On a Portuguese pizza you will have sauce, cheese, peas, eggs and Ham?  Its some sort of meat.  I will find out for sure the next time we go out.  Or if anyone knows…. Help me out here. 

hola

Well tonight I took my parent to the espitinho place.  We had a nice time and the kids stayed home with Rodrigo.  Rodrigo hurt his knee at home at the restaurant.  Poor guy, it is black and blue. 

Having Fun

Today I could just pass out right here at the table I am so tired.  Hopefully, I can get some rest tonight.  Good Night My Friends!

Jill In Brazil: Brazilians Measure People by the Heart

Jill In Brazil: Brazilians Measure People by the Heart: "My Super French friend said and I can’t quote because it was at the end of the BBQ and after a few beers, but he said that Brazilians know a..."

Brazilians Measure People by the Heart

My Super French friend said and I can’t quote because it was at the end of the BBQ and after a few beers, but he said that Brazilians know and have learned Cruelty from the Portuguese, Naivety from the Indians and Magic from the Black People. He said always be nice and you will never have a problem in Brazil.   Brazilian People measure people by the heart. 

Parents here tomorrow!

Parents here tomorrow!

The Bus vs. The Motor Taxi

So, it just happened that our motorcycle and our car have both been the shop for 3 days now.  We get the car today finally and I think Motorcycle tomorrow.  Just in the nick of time, eh?  Well back to the bus system.  I did take the motor taxi for a while but I got to thinking that I want to at least know the name of the person who is that in control of my life and could possibly kill me.  It was fun at first but then along with the really stinky helmet that I have to wear, I thought it might be safer to take the bus.  So last night I took the bus and it was ok, took 40 minutes longer and jared me the same but at least I wouldn't fall off or wreck and possibly die. 
So, today again I took the bus and found that the way there is good but the way home is annoying as I have to wait and then I get hungry and spend more than it would cost for a motor taxi and pay extra for my babysitter to wait for me.  Oh well.... lets just hope that my car actually does get done today.

Short & Sweet!

Today, I am so excited because my mom and dad will be here on Saturday.  Saturday!!!!!!  It is almost unreal to think that they are coming.  Really, Brazil doesn’t seem too far away with Skype and the internet and I do have English speaking friends, but nevertheless we couldn’t be more excited. 

Saturday I will pick them up at the airport and bring them to the house.  The kids will be waiting at home with a babysitter; Rodrigo will just be getting home from work.  Then next day we are having a BBQ at the house.   I have invited everyone my friends and Rodrigo’s family.  This should be lots of fun.  Then next day we are going to the little Trout fishing place, so that Ben can show his pop pop  just how good at fishing he is and then we will sit down to eat.  Tuesday – Thursday we will take at least one day trip to the mountains but hang around here mostly.  Friday is my Birthday and we are headed to the Beach for 3 nights and 4 days.  Short and Sweet! 

Melts my heart.

Last night all of our vehicles happened to be in the shop and it put a damper on getting anything accomplished for the day.  It was Rodrigo’s day off and we had a list a mile long.  As crappy as the day could have been… there was one moment that will stand out in my head for the rest of my life. 
As we were walking to get a taxi to take us home from the Mechanics shop, I realized that I was going to have to walk towards town for an appointment that I had in about an hour.  I was close so, I said good bye to Rodrigo and the kids.  As they were walking away I saw an image that made my heart melt.

Rodrigo was holding Gabriela’s baby and a motorcycle helmet in one hand and holding Gabi’s hand in the other and then Ben was holding Gabi’s other hand.     They took up the whole sidewalk.  Gabi had a baby doll dress on and tennis shoes.  It was picture perfect and a good reminder of how lucky I truly am.

Tired Tired Tired

Too tired to write but I am having some marvelous experienced that I cant wait to tell you about

Dona de Casa

This next segment is going to be about Dona de Casa.  This actually means house wife.  I don’t think I have ever been a great house wife or even a good cleaner.  But the one thing that drove me the most crazy when I got here is now something that I am very proud of.  It is how women take care of the home. 

The picture is actually the first step to being a good Dona de Casa.  Why?  Because we wash our dishes by hand.  My mother in law had a similar set and I couldnt wait for the day to have my own. Seriously, this was so exciting for me.  Ben chose the color and I think he did great.  So on the left is the trash bucket.  I cant tell you how handy this when you are cooking.  The second is the holder for the soap.  All of the dish soap fits in this container just perfectly.  This is the size of the soap.  I usually by Ype soap and it runs about $1 real, then the one on the right holds your sponge and drain stopper.  It is almost scientific how basic and usefull these 3 little containers are.  The squeege is also a huge part to keeping house especially the floors.  This will next.

Smelling the roses

Since I have started this blog and have been writing every day, I have been observing how I work.  What I am trying to say it that I do things for a while, then stop and then get the urge to pick it up again.  What I noticed is that what I used to call “I’m the type of person who likes to start things and not finish them” was not actually true.  I used to get discouraged and think “how could I have been so into that yesterday and today I am completely uninterested”.  Well what I can see now is not that I won’t finish things it’s just that I do a little here and a little there until it gets done.  I am learning to trust myself and my ideas and only to push them when I have the urge.  When I don’t have the urge, I know now that it is ok to put my energy into the other things that feel good at that moment.  This also has allowed me to let go of the anxiety that I am not getting anything done or getting it done fast enough.  Now when I feel this anxiety, I actually stopped to think about how crazy it is to live with these thoughts.

I started this Blog because a couple of weeks before the big move I was thinking about the unknown.  How did I get to the point where I would pack up and move to a foreign country?  I started writing one night and was pleasantly surprised how my words were coming across on paper.  As I was trying to collect a few new activities to take with me to Brasil anyway I ran the idea across a few of my friends just before I left.  One of my friends upped the stakes.  He bet me $1000 to do the blog every day.  I’ve always been up for a challenge especially where money was concerned, but money or no money; this blog has been one of the best activities of my life.   Just having this outlet alone is worth all of the money in the world especially the first 2 months in Brazil.  Not to mention this gift of seeing myself and the interesting cycles of my life.  I had never taken the time to smell the roses I guess. 

Tired Today

Tonight I am so tired.  Kids are screaming and playing… at least they are playing.  Everything is Concrete and Ceramic Tile so this makes the screams loud and the banging toys almost unbearable but at least they are playing, right?    I have been getting up every day at 6am and also running my cat to the Veterinarian every day in a neighboring city because she has old and insufficient kidneys.    It is sad but she is doing ok.  The worst part for her is we had to change her food and she is not too happy about this.  Needless to say… I am going to bed now.

Senha

So today at the bank I had to wait like normal.  It is ok, as I am getting used to being patient however I just want to explain what it is like.  So you go in and tell the person what you are doing there so that you can get the correct Senha (or number).  Then you sit down and wait for your number to be called.  There were a 45 people in front of me waiting too.  There are usually 3-5 security around and one was in a little tower, with a slot so that they could shoot out if needed.  Bullet proof for sure, because before I knew there was a officer in there I was looking at that box thinking that that would be a great place to hide if someone did go a little postal. 

Carnival is a State of Mind

Getting Back on Subject for a while: 

Carnival in Brazil.  During Carnival it is very similar to Mardi Gras if you have ever been to New Orleans.  It is very much the same here, but there the party is only in New Orleans.  Here in Brazil it is a State of Mind for everyone in the country. 
The biggest Carnival Parade is in Rio de Janiero.  There are different schools of samba.  Whoever is competing (like 14? Schools), the are all given 1 song.  The school then creates a story made out of costumes and floats.  Whomever tells the best story, with the best costumes and float design, etc. wins.   It is just beautiful to watch on TV.  The ticket to Rio's Street Party/Parade I heard was around $200/person.
It is great to go to Rio but if you cant, you want to find a city with a street party or just enjoy life where ever you are.  No matter where you are in Brasil someone is celebrating carnival somewhere.  We took the kids to a party during the day and then went out for dinner and drinks later that night. 
To all Brazilians Carnival means something different.  The majority of Brazilians see Carnival as a grand 5 day Vaccation.  You dont have to be in Rio or Sao Paulo or dancing in the streets to enjoy carnival, most people enjoy it in their homes with their families and friends.  Oh... and the beach. 

Whats in Your FOOD???

This next topic is serious and to some, it may be far out there.  I was recently sent a link by my Aunt to this Youtube Video.  I just watched it and wanted to post it for you to see, like it or not it's time to think. 

I also want you to read my blog from 11-23-2010 called Soapbox & A Bunch of Stuff.  I heard it first hand as Monsanto has a factory here in Brazil.  The Brazilian Government dosen't allow for the use of these seeds here nor High Fructose Corn Syrup.....

Here is the link that was sent to me:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSpkLk0vYmk
After you watch it there  is a part 2 as well to watch.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_416806&v=-B9MeO3SRxU

In-San-I-T-Y

There is no doubt that we can toot our horns for the things that we have done to help other countries and you also can’t turn your head and pretend that we haven’t caused harm at times either.  I have lived long enough to know that everything has a price and we are a strategic government, correct me if I am wrong but don’t we still have a military presence in every country that we have “helped”?

Jen said something in her Facebook comment that I loved.  She said “we are not perfect, the world is not perfect…but it is time to start new forward thinking and practicing peace on individual levels.  Be the change that you wish to see.” 

Tonight, while talking with a good friend, I was led to a post by DanO.

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man…Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.  Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.  And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

I have read it over and over again and it seems different to me each time.  The one thing that I am completely sure of other than death is that I don’t want to die not having really lived or feeling that I am always missing something. 

I have already sacrificed my health in the name of money and then spent 6 years trying to de-stress my lifestyle in order to correct a health problem.  I know I worried about money too much to live in the present and always thought about the future but I would default to my past looking for help as I experienced new situations as a completely different person than I was years ago.  What is it when you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?   Insanity!

One last thing about money… I used to run this over in my head when I owned my own business.  My husband used to say this to me all of the time.  “You shouldn’t worry about money when you don’t have any money, worry about it when you have it.”

Jill In Brazil: Let your voices be heard

Jill In Brazil: Let your voices be heard: "Thanks everyone for posting and sharing your comments. It is a great conversation. Let’s have more in the future, but tonight is..."

Let your voices be heard

Thanks everyone for posting and sharing your comments.  It is a great conversation.  Let’s have more in the future, but tonight is Carnival and I have a date, so I will keep it short.  I try to not take anything personally and never want name calling on my site.   If we follow this rule let’s keep the discussions coming.  In response to Scott thinking that I am calling him a racist, this is not for me to judge.    I never thought of him as a racist, more of a man who has different strong opinions, who married my childhood friend and likes to stir the pot.  If it was a Mickey Mouse shirt…then it was a mouse shirt, sorry.  Either way, what I was trying to say is that there is a republican who won’t vote for Obama and then a Republican who would wear that shirt in public.  What does that mean?  What does it mean to you?  If you choose to make controversial statements it is because you know you will get attention either Positive or Negative.  I may not agree with Scott but I loved the discussion.  Keep the comments flowing and let your voices be heard.

Jill In Brazil: Free your mind and the rest will follow

Jill In Brazil: Free your mind and the rest will follow: "As I am writing this I am watching “Cougar Town”. Courtney Cox just said “I want to watch this documentary so that I can be Smart and ..."

Free your mind and the rest will follow

As I am writing this I am watching “Cougar Town”.  Courtney Cox just said “I want to watch this documentary so that I can be Smart and depressed about the world not dumb and happy like usual”. I think this is the perfect way to start this particular Blog.

So…I recently posted “What’s with us Americans Anyway”.  This particular blog post is about finding a connection with my Brazilian family and the Brazilian culture by understanding how I come across as an America.    In this particular blog I was thinking about common and general characteristics of Americans.  I know not all of the Characteristics will apply to everyone but most of them will.  I have received a couple of interesting comments.  Because both guys posted openly on Facebook I have put their comments below. 

American: who openly wears Obama as Mickey Mouse T-Shirts:

“The problem is not with being from the U.S.A its that you live in a third world socialist country where they hate America because of what we have and yes we are raised to be better than any other country.  I know everyone will think I’m wrong.  If it was not for Americans the whole world would be living in the control of some horrible dictatorship.  Be happy with what you have and quit whining about how bad America is.”

A Brazilian Replied:

 "Excuse me Jill. The more I got into my Facebook and I ran into the unfortunate comment at least your friend. First I would like to say that he is right in saying that Brazil is a Third World Country. More he was mistaken in saying that we are a socialist country. I do not know if you read it, more is known, very few remaining socialist countries in the world, and NO in South America... More you’ll hear this from an American. The majority of Americans think that. They do not seek to know or learn about other countries. They think that in Brazil we speak Spanish and that is the capital Buenos Aires. They think they live in the best country in the world, which are in the spotlight and never mind the other countries and cultures. Here in Brazil, no one hates anyone, much less hated. We are a peaceful nation that soweth peace and not war as the American people. We do not have a government and not an explorer who people think only of profit above everything and everyone. We do not use the machine of government and our money to invade, kill, rape, rob, and plunder other people as you did with Iraq because of Oil. You think you're meant to be the best. Most of you are actually bred to be superfluous and paranoid people who base their lives on consumption and money and think they are better than others, and moreover believe that any movement in the world is against you. Not to mention other things. Read it here, on Facebook that is a showcase for the world was absurd. It shows well what a person or a nation thinks the rest of the world. It is the summary of what Americans think. Or rather they are sure they are better than others. And look, if Americans were not the world would be MUCH BETTER. If it were not for Americans to meddle in others' lives, where they are called to sow discord and war, the world would be a much better place with less violence, less pollution and fewer people with a mind as small and selfish as yours. Stay there in America that is the place of repressed people like you. Hugs"

Of Course I am going to comment now: 

What really comes to mind when I think of what the American wrote is how Insensitive.  This is the nicest way that I can put it because regardless of who is right or wrong, I am glad people are taking the time to comment and to think.  However this is old thinking and this is the thinking that puts people who travel in foreign country’s or even our soldiers who fight in foreign lands at danger (right or wrong).  This thinking not only creates hatred and divides not only Americans but stops our conversation with the rest of the world.  The world is small and every day it gets smaller everyday with the use of the internet, do you want to pick that fight…Really?  This type of thinking works in America with less than half of Americans but not anywhere else.  We may have lived different experiences but who’s to say if one is person happier than another.  Like I said “every country has its thing”.  My life was not better in America, I had more shit and more stress but that is the life I chose.  The life I created there.  I am happy here because I am living a less stressful lifestyle and I am getting the opportunity to be home with my kids.  Will I stay here forever?  I don’t know, never thought I’d live outside of America in the first place.  This was a gift handed to me.  Is it easy?  Living with less stress and less problems is easier, if and when I do go back home I will choose a different lifestyle there too.  For Instance tonight I am having a BBQ with my friends and enjoying great conversation about new things and ideas.  The people here in Brazil are just like my friends at home.  I sometimes can’t tell the difference of where I am and this is even with the language barrier.  I am no doubt proud to be from America but to think you are better than another person or a whole world is just crazy.  Life is not just about getting up every day, going to work, eating dinner, going to bed and doing it all over again.  It is not about just saving for a retirement and then sitting around because you are too scared to go anywhere.  Life is about gaining knowledge and understanding, and it should be about opening your mind. 

In my blog I was considering that maybe relationships are simple, America or Brazil and that I make things too complicated.  I am sure now that it is complicated.  We need to ask ourselves questions if nothing more than as a guide to staying on the right path or for our own conscious.  The American may have been speaking his truth, but it is not that simple. 

Sure America is a great country and their place in the world has been the center of many countries controversies good or bad and a center of many people’s dreams & desires for their lives.   It’s Mickey Mouse’s Home.  But you can’t just stop there.  It is like when your life peaks at 18 and you spend the rest of your life remembering the days when you were great and on top or when you watch football and sit in your favorite chair drinking beer and yelling at the TV about how you would have caught that pass… what is that “Armchair Quarterback”? 

The biggest point that I hope to make today is that Americans are all considered the same to people in foreign countries based on their first impression of what they hear, and how they are treated.  This is why in Europe; Americans are told that it is better to put a Canadian flag on their backpacks. 

Furthermore, I do not share the same opinion as the American commenting on this subject and I am embarrassed by the insensitivity of his remarks as an American.  It was best put by Another American who also made a comment on Facebook. 

“…please don’t think all Americans are like you say.  Some believe the same as you, some are humble and loving; some are not happy with the wars and shedding of blood.  Some just want to live a peaceful, happy life…and wish the same for people all over the world.”

Thanks to everyone for this discussion, it is not easy to talk about but we must. 

 “Free your mind and the Rest will follow”.

Grocery

I was at the supermarket yesterday.  Going to pay at the supermarket sometimes takes longer than it does to pick out all of the stuff that you want to buy especially in the evening.  Suddenly a fight breaks out between a woman and her son and another couple standing in the line behind them.  It was my line.  It was crazy and sad, I had no clue what they were fighting about but the boy and mom were pissed about something.  I didn’t even have time to take my groceries home after that as I had to rush to class. 

Today is Carnival here in Brazil.  Carnival lasts for 4 days.  We are at home today but plan to go tomorrow with the kids and then on Monday Rodrigo and I have a Babysitter.  I will get pictures!

Rules

One of my students added another American trait today.  He said that Americans follow rules.  Then he started talking about the trash on the streets and how we don’t litter much in America.  He said that he knows not to litter because he was educated by the “Scouts”.  I think it is the “Boy Scouts”.   In general the litter problem is a problem and it is not a poor/rich educational divide.  It is in General, It is a public education problem and unfortunately with all of the rain this causes a lot of other problems. 

Jill In Brazil: What is it about us Americans anyway?

Jill In Brazil: Whaht is it about us Americans anyway?: "As you know, I have been on a quest to understand Brazilian Culture. Maybe I have found a simple answer. So, remember that one r..."

What is it about us Americans anyway?

As you know, I have been on a quest to understand Brazilian Culture.  Maybe I have found a simple answer. 

So, remember that one relationship that you had where it wasn’t working out and you tried to find out “why”?  Bothering your friends on a daily basis.  Why do I love him so much but we aren’t getting along, or I can’t understand him, or why hasn’t he called?  As complicated as we try to make it the answer was always simple, right?  In relationships the man isn’t as complicated as we would like to think.  Thinking that its complicated avoids the reality that it just doesn’t work, he just isn’t that into you, right?  If he doesn’t call it’s because he doesn’t want to.  It’s simple. 

Now in Brasil, especially with my new family I have been trying to figure out why I had so much trouble finding my place.  When we all thought about meeting and being together it seemed like a grand Idea.  I thought of them as American in-laws and they were thinking of me as a Brazilian in-law.  The trouble was that when we met our ideas of what we would be like was completely clouded by the reality that we were pretty much strangers.  It was a hard adjustment for everyone really and we are still adjusting.  It wasn’t just that we did not really know each other, but we were also from different worlds. 

Why would this matter?  Honestly, I didn’t think that it would.  I never even thought it would be a challenge.  But on so many levels it was difficult.  The language was difficult; I mean how could one even think about, what it is truly like to be unable to communicate.  I still can’t communicate.  I still cannot be understood fully for what I am saying unless it is superficial, and I just happen to be a person who likes to have deep conversations… can you see the problem.  Maybe is not just Brazilian Culture that I can’t understand but what about the complications of American Culture.  Maybe it was my fault.  My fault for not knowing what being an American really means to someone in another country, and how offensive our behaviors and habits can be.  I don’t say this because we are rude, but because of just how we live and function.

I like to separate myself from people, do you?  I like to think that I do things differently and that I can adapt to any situation based on my different experiences.  Would Americans rather see each other as different rather than the same?  In America, I think we want to stand out and we compare ourselves by our differences.  Why do we spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people?  It is because we are so competitive, we are taught to be competitive.  American life is Competitive. Maybe this is why we don’t just let anyone into our circles right away.  Why it is harder for someone from another country to get around in America personally?

We as Americans define ourselves by our differences so that we can stand out or look better.  We have to sell ourselves all of the time, don’t you think?  So take this to another level, only when talking to Americans, about other Americans can we see differences.  But understand this…. In another country we are all the Same.   Americans in general are not separate, we are considered all the same no matter who you are. 

So, what does it mean to be an American?  It means that we prefer to do things on our own, we live at a fast pace, we work hard to be more & more efficient and get paid to do so, we are always stressed, we like things fast and hate to wait, we live alone, we don’t tell our families everything, most of the time our family doesn’t even know that we left town.  We don’t know everything that happens in all of our cousins lives and we usually only get together on holidays.  There is usually never someone at home during the day and our parents do not usually babysit our children.   We usually live one family per household and we shop a lot as it makes us feel better.

So, in conclusion.  The simple answer is not that we wanted anyone to feel unwelcome or unloved; we were just more different that we could have ever imagined.  I think it will soon be these differences that make us closer than could imagine, but now I understand why all of the men would say said “Be Patient Jill”.   Let’s face it, Men offer a simple approach to relationships.  It is also the fact that maybe it is time for me to see my culture a little clearer and how I am relating to their culture.

Fun Stage

Getting up again every day at 5:30am, I kind of like it.  With Ben in school, it is nice to have a routine again.  He had his first review and the teacher said he was doing great, I am so proud of him.  He is coloring in the lines, making up games and thriving.   Next step is getting him into Capoeira and start using our new membership to the club.  Swimming!!!  So anyway, I am finding a lot of fulfillment teaching english.  And then Gabi... this little girl does not want to go to sleep anymore.  Today I cut her bangs and she is really excited about her new haircut.  She asks me everyday if she too can go to school tomorrow.  This is a fun stage.

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought: "So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right? I want to live in the present, right? So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to..."

Harder than I thought

So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right?  I want to live in the present, right?  So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to help me.  “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and not 40 minutes into it I learn something that I want to share.  This happens to be about the Ego. 

You can be addicted to thinking.  What I am hearing is that thinking can be as bad of an addiction as smoking, sex or gambling.  I myself replay old tapes in my head and identify with the past, but am I addicted to thinking?  Constant thinking is the Ego.   So, my need to make lists, calculate, play Sudoku and plan things that I will soon plan again the next day is my ego at work?  I thought I was just keeping busy and passing time, however I do rush to think.  I love to find time to think.  Confusing, huh?    

In the Ego Self, the “Present” does not exist.  (This is my desire, to live in the present, right?)  Only the past and future are considered important to the Ego Self.  It is dysfunctional because I am trying to keep the past alive and without the past, It begs the question “Who am I”.   Then when I project my ego into the future I ensure its continued survival.  It is the thought that One day in the future when this happens or that happens I will be ok, I will be happy or I will be at peace.  I have always lived like this… the one day scenario.

Now with this information I have to think, and this is probably another book but what is that one day or one feeling that I am looking for?  What is it going to solve for me, what is it going to relieve me of? 

The other day, My mom and I were talking about being in the present with my kids and how I was trying to work on this, she said that when I get frustrated I should think of something that makes me happy… and do you know what I saw?  I saw money being exchanged going back and forth as If the hands were doing business.  This is what I saw, thought it was kind of fucked up so I tried again and again this was what I saw.  Almost 100% sure that this is not what Eckhart Tolle had in mind; I will just have to keep reading I guess.   

Then the last thing was that when the ego (which doesn’t exist in the present) actually presents itself in the present, it misperceives itself because it is seeing itself through the eyes of the past.    Oh, $#@!  Maybe I just answered my question. 

Living in the present holds the key as the present moment is all you ever truly have.  Hmmm.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  J