Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought: "So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right? I want to live in the present, right? So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to..."

Harder than I thought

So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right?  I want to live in the present, right?  So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to help me.  “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and not 40 minutes into it I learn something that I want to share.  This happens to be about the Ego. 

You can be addicted to thinking.  What I am hearing is that thinking can be as bad of an addiction as smoking, sex or gambling.  I myself replay old tapes in my head and identify with the past, but am I addicted to thinking?  Constant thinking is the Ego.   So, my need to make lists, calculate, play Sudoku and plan things that I will soon plan again the next day is my ego at work?  I thought I was just keeping busy and passing time, however I do rush to think.  I love to find time to think.  Confusing, huh?    

In the Ego Self, the “Present” does not exist.  (This is my desire, to live in the present, right?)  Only the past and future are considered important to the Ego Self.  It is dysfunctional because I am trying to keep the past alive and without the past, It begs the question “Who am I”.   Then when I project my ego into the future I ensure its continued survival.  It is the thought that One day in the future when this happens or that happens I will be ok, I will be happy or I will be at peace.  I have always lived like this… the one day scenario.

Now with this information I have to think, and this is probably another book but what is that one day or one feeling that I am looking for?  What is it going to solve for me, what is it going to relieve me of? 

The other day, My mom and I were talking about being in the present with my kids and how I was trying to work on this, she said that when I get frustrated I should think of something that makes me happy… and do you know what I saw?  I saw money being exchanged going back and forth as If the hands were doing business.  This is what I saw, thought it was kind of fucked up so I tried again and again this was what I saw.  Almost 100% sure that this is not what Eckhart Tolle had in mind; I will just have to keep reading I guess.   

Then the last thing was that when the ego (which doesn’t exist in the present) actually presents itself in the present, it misperceives itself because it is seeing itself through the eyes of the past.    Oh, $#@!  Maybe I just answered my question. 

Living in the present holds the key as the present moment is all you ever truly have.  Hmmm.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  J

A Nigerian Myth

Mother Woyengi sat on a special stone and made people out of handfuls of earth.  She put the people who chose lives of Luxury into a fast, dangerous stream, the rest into a slow, clear stream. 

I just thought this was interesting because I have always lived in the fast, dangerous stream.  Today, Rodrigo and I were talking about our plans to import a certain machine and to try to make extra income.  Yes, another business however now that he is a chef and excited to peruse his career and I have plenty of work and new ideas cranking on the computer… we decided to stop.  We decided not to complicate our lives anymore, we decided to get along and not to work together for once, and we decided to give ourselves a break and to let go.  I can’t imagine what it will be like to not work together or how long this will last.  I am so happy to make this decision for now, I feel so relieved. 

Quicky.

I had a fantastic night last night, then I talked to Kate & Shawna for an hour and a half or so till 1:30am.  Had a quiet day and tonight  I am going out with Rodrigo to the Restaurant that I have been wanting to go to since the day I moved here.  I cant wait, I just hope that they have a play place too.  If so, I think my husband and I are going to have a lot of fun!  If not... well at least I will have gotten to see the place. 

Saturday Night.

Tonight I took the kids for pizza… well I wanted to go for pizza but I missed the turn.  Took the next turn and a guy came up to the car to park the car for me for the specific Restaurant.  I walked in and sat down and realized that I wasn’t at the pizza place.  I could see the pizza place that I wanted to be at, but I wasn't there and now they have my car so I was staying.  I was actually at a place where the only thing on the menu is espetinhos (skewers).  I told the guy to bring me what is popular and we decided on chicken & Steak.  Ok, I still do not have a clue what Espetinhos are.  I just knew that the price is like $2.90- $4.80.  I am like, Oh good.  Filet Minion for $4.80.  This can’t be too bad.  Then the waiter brought Chicken, steak & Mozzarella skewers.  It was refreshing, what a great idea and it was fun to eat.  But the best part of all was that they had a play area for the kids that I could see right into and they had a member of the staff sitting there babysitting.  WHAT?  Oh Yes, I had a beer and the kids would play then come for a bite and some water.  It was amazing.  We were all happy.  Then we had Chocolate covered strawberry skewers and went home. 

I was also pleasantly surprised when Ben, my son brought me a drawing of a Vampire.  It looked just like a vampire; this is the first time that he had a head with eyes in the eye area and a mouth in the mouth area.  It was great; I now have a whole monster collection as I think he used all of the paper drawing monsters.  So proud of him. 

Also, Gabriela now chooses all of her own clothes and tells me that they are poison if she doesn’t like the clothes that I am holding up.