Alone with my thoughts can be dangerous.

Alone with my thoughts can be dangerous.

Well as you can see above, I did have a great third day.  I woke at 6 went to the Padaria and had 6 hot pao de queijo.   After breakfast Va Marina and I took Bernard to buy  a fish like the one he had in Fort Collins.  He got two.  One named Candy the American fish and one named Secato the Brazilian fish.  Then Bernard wanted to go on a nature walk so we did, our first day out by ourselves.  We went to the pet shop on the corner and ben played with the 4 kittens in the cage.  There we bunnies, guinea pigs, hamsters and rabbits there too.  The kittens were very playful.  Ben had so much fun then we walked into every store close to see what is there.  Everything is very basic and cheap, kind of.  Probably too early to make that statement but most things were.  Then the kids and I hopped into the van with Rodrigo and his father and we went into the city.  Again it was beautiful so much green space and food vendors everywhere.  We bought ben a soccer ball and Gabi a purple bike, cuz they can actually play with them in the house…. However the bike didn’t last 3 peddles, seriously.  So Rodrigo tried to take it back 10 minutes later and they would only exchange it...  that’s fucked, right?

Anyway days are long here, I have never had so much time with nothing to do that finally I got bored and kind of unhappy.  I think cuz I realized I must talk like an idiot.  I to go store.  You want?  Duh duh duh.  I don’t want to be hard on myself but let’s face it I have always been hard on myself.  We eat at 9 so it is like I am always waiting for the end of the day.  Today it felt like… you know that time between 1-4 when you are at work and seems like you are watching the clock.  So when I get bored, in this environment I think.  This can be dangerous.  I tried not to cry but how in the fuck did I get here.  Next thought is…. Oh yea, I did this to myself with lots of preparation.  So, I’ve always considered myself a smart woman… so I will give it a go and believe in myself that this is the best for us now.  Where else would I go, what else would I do?  I don’t want to go back home cuz then I would have to work and I am not ready for that now, I just need to 1^st learn the language and the culture.  Right now I am in a beautiful house with beautiful people (thank god) but from the bars, I can only see the street right in front of me when I look out.  I need a key….