9 days to go.

This is my last week of work before we leave.  It is the only thing we think about all day, the kids and I.  Nope, haven’t started packing yet.  Still trying to get the laundry done in rain with no dryer and a broken washer; It is a much more simple life here but simpler to do the average household tasks there.  Can’t wait for the front load washer and dryer. 

10 Days

10 days to go until I am home.  Every day I get more and more excited and the kids usually start all of their sentences with “Mom, when we go back to America…”  Gabi said she wants to give Grandma a bunch of kisses.  I want that too.

Boys n Cats

The kids came home tonight wondering where Casi was.  Gabriela was upset to find out that Casi had passed away.  She went to her room, put her head in her hands and cried “Casi got away”.  It was so sad and I cried too.  Just then Ben came in and tried to comfort Gabi.  “You are sad that Casi is gone?”  I asked Ben “Are you sad” and he replied.  “Yes, but Boys don’t cry about cats, my brain told me that”.

So, only 11 more days until I see my family and we can hardly wait. 

Time Marches On

Sometimes we choose to suffer or to let one suffer because we want to hold on but the real strength is in letting go. 
Today, I let my “Tiddles” pass on and I had to remember my strength and beliefs as I was emotionally holding on to her and questioning myself as I wondered if I was making the right choices as if I would not do the right thing.  I was on the other side of euthanasia and remembered back to my time as a vet tech and had to recall all of the time I saw animals suffering because their owners would not let go.  The only way that I could feel strength was to go outside of myself and ask “what would you do if it were someone else in your shoes?”  Thank god I have been a level headed person because that is what I sought, my strength came from believing and trusting myself to guide me when I was too emotional to see straight.  I guess I remembered that “death” is not scary; it is peaceful.  I remembered that the body is only a vessel for the soul and it was her soul that blessed my life.  And mostly I remembered that we all come from the same place and we return as it is our journey to do so.

It was a beautiful 16 years with my kitty and I am so thankful for every hug, every complaint, every time she made me move so that she could sleep on my pillow, and for her ability to love me unconditionally.  “Casi”/”Tiddles” lived her life with me and for me and the best thing I could eventually do for her was to let her go.  With love there is peace.

If only life were simple. This week has been terrible. My cat of 15 1/2 years is dying and I can do nothing but wait. I had accepted her death but at the last minute rushed her to the hospital in hope that we can do something. It is hard to say goodbye and my heart goes out to all who have lost. Love is the only thing we can give that lasts forever… I guess if I have given this then may be death is understandable.