Fun Stage

Getting up again every day at 5:30am, I kind of like it.  With Ben in school, it is nice to have a routine again.  He had his first review and the teacher said he was doing great, I am so proud of him.  He is coloring in the lines, making up games and thriving.   Next step is getting him into Capoeira and start using our new membership to the club.  Swimming!!!  So anyway, I am finding a lot of fulfillment teaching english.  And then Gabi... this little girl does not want to go to sleep anymore.  Today I cut her bangs and she is really excited about her new haircut.  She asks me everyday if she too can go to school tomorrow.  This is a fun stage.

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought

Jill In Brazil: Harder than I thought: "So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right? I want to live in the present, right? So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to..."

Harder than I thought

So, I am on a quest to find my inner peace right?  I want to live in the present, right?  So, Of Course I bought a book on tape to help me.  “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and not 40 minutes into it I learn something that I want to share.  This happens to be about the Ego. 

You can be addicted to thinking.  What I am hearing is that thinking can be as bad of an addiction as smoking, sex or gambling.  I myself replay old tapes in my head and identify with the past, but am I addicted to thinking?  Constant thinking is the Ego.   So, my need to make lists, calculate, play Sudoku and plan things that I will soon plan again the next day is my ego at work?  I thought I was just keeping busy and passing time, however I do rush to think.  I love to find time to think.  Confusing, huh?    

In the Ego Self, the “Present” does not exist.  (This is my desire, to live in the present, right?)  Only the past and future are considered important to the Ego Self.  It is dysfunctional because I am trying to keep the past alive and without the past, It begs the question “Who am I”.   Then when I project my ego into the future I ensure its continued survival.  It is the thought that One day in the future when this happens or that happens I will be ok, I will be happy or I will be at peace.  I have always lived like this… the one day scenario.

Now with this information I have to think, and this is probably another book but what is that one day or one feeling that I am looking for?  What is it going to solve for me, what is it going to relieve me of? 

The other day, My mom and I were talking about being in the present with my kids and how I was trying to work on this, she said that when I get frustrated I should think of something that makes me happy… and do you know what I saw?  I saw money being exchanged going back and forth as If the hands were doing business.  This is what I saw, thought it was kind of fucked up so I tried again and again this was what I saw.  Almost 100% sure that this is not what Eckhart Tolle had in mind; I will just have to keep reading I guess.   

Then the last thing was that when the ego (which doesn’t exist in the present) actually presents itself in the present, it misperceives itself because it is seeing itself through the eyes of the past.    Oh, $#@!  Maybe I just answered my question. 

Living in the present holds the key as the present moment is all you ever truly have.  Hmmm.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  J

A Nigerian Myth

Mother Woyengi sat on a special stone and made people out of handfuls of earth.  She put the people who chose lives of Luxury into a fast, dangerous stream, the rest into a slow, clear stream. 

I just thought this was interesting because I have always lived in the fast, dangerous stream.  Today, Rodrigo and I were talking about our plans to import a certain machine and to try to make extra income.  Yes, another business however now that he is a chef and excited to peruse his career and I have plenty of work and new ideas cranking on the computer… we decided to stop.  We decided not to complicate our lives anymore, we decided to get along and not to work together for once, and we decided to give ourselves a break and to let go.  I can’t imagine what it will be like to not work together or how long this will last.  I am so happy to make this decision for now, I feel so relieved. 

Quicky.

I had a fantastic night last night, then I talked to Kate & Shawna for an hour and a half or so till 1:30am.  Had a quiet day and tonight  I am going out with Rodrigo to the Restaurant that I have been wanting to go to since the day I moved here.  I cant wait, I just hope that they have a play place too.  If so, I think my husband and I are going to have a lot of fun!  If not... well at least I will have gotten to see the place.