As you know, I have been on a quest to understand Brazilian Culture. Maybe I have found a simple answer.
So, remember that one relationship that you had where it wasn’t working out and you tried to find out “why”? Bothering your friends on a daily basis. Why do I love him so much but we aren’t getting along, or I can’t understand him, or why hasn’t he called? As complicated as we try to make it the answer was always simple, right? In relationships the man isn’t as complicated as we would like to think. Thinking that its complicated avoids the reality that it just doesn’t work, he just isn’t that into you, right? If he doesn’t call it’s because he doesn’t want to. It’s simple.
Now in Brasil, especially with my new family I have been trying to figure out why I had so much trouble finding my place. When we all thought about meeting and being together it seemed like a grand Idea. I thought of them as American in-laws and they were thinking of me as a Brazilian in-law. The trouble was that when we met our ideas of what we would be like was completely clouded by the reality that we were pretty much strangers. It was a hard adjustment for everyone really and we are still adjusting. It wasn’t just that we did not really know each other, but we were also from different worlds.
Why would this matter? Honestly, I didn’t think that it would. I never even thought it would be a challenge. But on so many levels it was difficult. The language was difficult; I mean how could one even think about, what it is truly like to be unable to communicate. I still can’t communicate. I still cannot be understood fully for what I am saying unless it is superficial, and I just happen to be a person who likes to have deep conversations… can you see the problem. Maybe is not just Brazilian Culture that I can’t understand but what about the complications of American Culture. Maybe it was my fault. My fault for not knowing what being an American really means to someone in another country, and how offensive our behaviors and habits can be. I don’t say this because we are rude, but because of just how we live and function.
I like to separate myself from people, do you? I like to think that I do things differently and that I can adapt to any situation based on my different experiences. Would Americans rather see each other as different rather than the same? In America, I think we want to stand out and we compare ourselves by our differences. Why do we spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people? It is because we are so competitive, we are taught to be competitive. American life is Competitive. Maybe this is why we don’t just let anyone into our circles right away. Why it is harder for someone from another country to get around in America personally?
We as Americans define ourselves by our differences so that we can stand out or look better. We have to sell ourselves all of the time, don’t you think? So take this to another level, only when talking to Americans, about other Americans can we see differences. But understand this…. In another country we are all the Same. Americans in general are not separate, we are considered all the same no matter who you are.
So, what does it mean to be an American? It means that we prefer to do things on our own, we live at a fast pace, we work hard to be more & more efficient and get paid to do so, we are always stressed, we like things fast and hate to wait, we live alone, we don’t tell our families everything, most of the time our family doesn’t even know that we left town. We don’t know everything that happens in all of our cousins lives and we usually only get together on holidays. There is usually never someone at home during the day and our parents do not usually babysit our children. We usually live one family per household and we shop a lot as it makes us feel better.
So, in conclusion. The simple answer is not that we wanted anyone to feel unwelcome or unloved; we were just more different that we could have ever imagined. I think it will soon be these differences that make us closer than could imagine, but now I understand why all of the men would say said “Be Patient Jill”. Let’s face it, Men offer a simple approach to relationships. It is also the fact that maybe it is time for me to see my culture a little clearer and how I am relating to their culture.
